Friday, March 12, 2010

Carry On

I lost the want to help myself sometime during the last few days, or was it last week...I don't remember.

MP had to work yesterday and ended up not being able to come back until today. When did I become so reliant on comfort from someone else? It is not like me, I am a self-soother. Anyways, we talked for a while last night, he told me things. I wish I could see a sliver in myself of what he sees. Instead I can barely lift my head when walking, I am not impressed by my own accomplishments, and I don't like facing myself in the mirror.

My drive and motivation have yet to return. Instead I continue to crave solitude and I want to cancel every plan I have made. Leaving my house for pleasure, and not just work, has become a feat in and of itself.

Most of the time I worry that I will never overcome this; but there is a little voice in the back of my mind which reminds me of the possibilities. I'd like to return to the girl I was in October. I think it is her calling out to remind me of the strength I once possessed.

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