Me, Myself and I

Well that’s it. Group is over. The rest of this journey will be done without my girls. The ones who know, without explanation. You can say you feel stupid around them and they get why, where that comes from. Maybe I wasn't ready to let them go yet but the time is here.

When I was in with them last night it there was a storm outside; slashing rain, fierce winds. Group ended and I drove away from my support system. I looked back and there were two rainbows; where I was made them appear as though they came from that building. I know you can find your own meaning out of whatever, but I felt as though being at that spot in that moment was for me. As though this was confirmation that I was on the right path. I smiled and continued on my way home.

I begin a new chapter next week. One I will write by myself. There will be no one over there to comfort me when I feel as though I can’t take another step. No one to make my decisions for me. Just me, myself and I. This is truly the largest journey I have ever been on; will it change who I am? Who will I be when I get back? I’d like to be a pillar of strength. I’d like to verse an opinion without nerves. I’d like to be a better person, in every possible way. Maybe even softer and more trusting. I’d like to be a better friend. More devoted to good causes, to myself, to those I love, like and appreciate. I want to be unashamed for putting myself first; if I can’t be the best for me, who can I be for you?

Maybe my days of sorrow aren’t over yet, maybe they are. Either way I’d like to say goodbye to the girl he made me into and hello to the real me. I’ll get around to that at another time, once I feel like I did really let her go.

I guess the big question now is: Where will I go after Paris?