Sealed. Trapped.

I have lost my voice. Well, maybe that’s not the right way to explain it. I am physically drained because of Tuesday night. Going to the game with clients took every ounce of pretending out of me. Now starting any movements, be it brushing my teeth, drinking water, typing, talking takes a lot of effort. Once I have started I better just keep going.

I want to say things but it feels as though my lips are sealed, my jaw won’t work and my words are trapped in me.

Could not even get out of bed for work this morning. I so wanted more time with MP but he had to go. I just wanted company, a warm arm, an embrace, anything but loneliness. He wanted me to say something, anything, even “bye” and I couldn’t get it out from my lips. Was not able to form my tongue into anything useful for talking. My lungs did not want to gather any energy for things other than breathing.

I can cry though.

Even now I am trying not to see anyone who would want to talk to me. All communication is hard.