Time to Slow Down

Stress. I am extremely stressed today. Lack of sleep. Stupid mistakes. Effin’ bank screw-up. Bad dreams. Paper due for school.

I had a dream last night in which I told MP that he reminded me of FG. It was real and I was sure we had the conversation until I was awake for a few minutes. It is true though and I think I will have to tell him I need to cool things down for a while, until I can get myself back under control. He does/likes too many things which set off huge triggers for me, this is not his fault at all because he does not know. I did not know what those were until they happened. How can you blame someone for being themselves?

Who knew talking about Harleys would make me panic? Or kissing in the car? Being backed up against the counter? A hand twitching on my upper arm?

So many things to get over. Where do I even start? I can let them go, pretend they do not affect me too much. But at what point do you just say “F It” and realize you do not belong with people until you are okay?

 I know he has strong feelings for me but I am still too scared. I want him to be around but I need more space and time. I was enjoying the speed of which things were moving along, but now it is too much too fast. It has only been one month, I need at least 6.