Clouds Are No Match for a Fire

I’ll let you back once. Last time I ended it again two days later. I find it almost embarrassing to accept someone back. I don’t know if that’s weird or normal, but it’s how I feel.

Sometimes I don’t think we can have normal conversations. I want to have conversations with you, about whatever. I’m just getting tired of the negative. Now I am worried and threatened by you. You walked out so easily last time that I doubt your intentions and feelings. You say you want a future with me, sometimes I think you just want a future with what I represent or represented. A house, a backyard and a car. A good job. Great family and friends. Independent. (I can’t recall what any more of my good qualities were.)

I don’t think you want a future with me. My reality. My person. I am not only independent, but fiercely so. I’ll only ask for help with fixing something because I know it’ll make you feel good about yourself; needed. I like my alone time. I am turning into a liberal feminist. I want positivity in my life, like I used to have and be. I don’t support racism, sexism or any other “ism”. I don’t like complainers or people who have a constant need to put others down…even people on t.v. It’s tiring to be around. And annoying. Be concerned with yourself and not others. Unless they’re wearing really bad pants or shoes.

I require more of a balance. Between you, my friends and my family. In no particular order. I enjoy sleeping alone equally as much as I enjoy sleeping with you. I like a glass of wine at night. I love walking when I’m drunk…enjoy the adventure of it.

Speaking of adventures: I love a good adventure. Doing something new. Even something out of character. If I could afford more, bet your ass I would do more. Like fencing, skydiving, bungee-jumping. Random road trips. Crazy/weird invitation acceptions.

When I’m wealthier I will entertain my friends in fun and/or strange ways.

As I make more of an effort to go out, and after you initially left me, I can see more of me peeking through all of the clouds I’ve been living under. Just you wait until I’m back. Watch out because I promise to rarely be at home or a home…unless it’s outside with a fire pit.