The Time is Wrong

I know that in my relationships, both past and present, there is consistency and not the good kind. You say I’ll end up lonely, I reply with that’s not a fear of mine. Well, not yet and not for a while. My fears are much different than yours. I prefer “loneliness” to pain.

I’m sure someday I’ll want a family and all that kind of shit, but right now I just want to make it through the days and focus on restoring myself.

I do not think of a future, I think of the present. Why do I have to see the future, who’s in it or what I’ll be doing? I’m not a psychic.

I do not need a void filled, I only seek friendship and maybe one who I’m lucky enough to “fall in love” with. I want a companion, someone to share laughs and life with. Someone who will complement me and agrees that being negative isn’t worth the effort (a quality and thought I used to have and am fighting to get back).

I do not want to have serious conversations in bed, that is not the place for them. My bed is where I relax and try to let go of my day and thoughts.

I feel as though I have this all wrong. Am doing it wrong. The time is wrong.

You all want feelings, when right now I am protecting myself by not feeling.