Fine, I Admit It

Okay, so fine I have good days. But I can't stop crying. I wanted to drive my car into the concrete barrier on my way home. But I could only think that my dog had to pee.

I'm so tired of feeling the loss. I don't want to do this alone. Everyone has someone and I let my someone go because I couldn't be his someone. Gawd, just take me somewhere, anywhere I can find my breath and my heart, my soul. Somewhere where I don't want someone to kill me because...please. I just want someone to care. I can't do this tonight. I can't go to bed alone...I know he's waiting for me in my dreams because I've seen him all week. Please. I'm all alone, with no one to hold my hand. No heartbeat, no chest to lay my head upon.

Please. Not tonight. I wish you were here. I can't do this.

At this moment I just want to give up. Never wake. I wish I didn't tell anyone because maybe I'd still have everyone.

I hate you! I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you. I hate me. I hate me. For tonight...I give up on me. If I wasn't so tired I'd stay awake, drinking until the wee hours, until the sun rose, until tomorrow came. Until someone but me was here. Until I could crawl into your arms; why do I have no arms?

Why?