Mmm. Cookies.

I think last night was the first time in many nights I feel asleep without crying. I did stay up until 1, keeping my mind occupied by reading. And I still haven’t slept through a night but at least I didn’t cry.

Tried to keep calm when driving in to work this morning, but then some jerkface cut me off when I was doing 70 and him 30. WTF, how can I not get mad when someone drives like a complete douche? Can’t help it. I flipped him the bird, he waved and I felt heaps better.

Broke my necklace when I got into the office, dunno how. Let’s just say this Monday did not start off so smooth. So I ate a cookie for breakfast. Love my baking coworkers who desire to fatten us up!

Going back to one-on-one tonight. Need to get the neutral advice, say it all out loud, put perspective on things and talk about my concerns…mostly regarding my self-preservation when traveling. How do I learn to care about myself again before I take off? I can make mistakes at home, but abroad would just be abundantly reckless.

I still feel like I’m living someone else’s life. Is what I’m doing meant for me? It’s as though I’ve misplaced something and as much as I search I cannot find it. There’s got to be something more. I feel like one of those “You’re doing it wrong” emails. I’m not looking for the meaning of life here, I just want to feel like I’m contributing something. Not just waking up, going to work at a regular ol’ company, keeping the house nice, the yard presentable, friends and family satisfied, etc. I want passion for something, I want to do it right. I want to leave an imprint, begin a change.

Maybe Europe will tell me. I’ll just have to listen…and keep calm.