Confession

I'm not loving life today.

I'm have realized I've changed the dynamic of quite a few friendships through these admissions. Those who I thought would be there for me haven't been, and those who I weren't sure would stick around have and in a much more invovled way.

Actually I am disappointed in two of you in particular. The aforementioned "you know who you are" and now another one of you. It's not like I need you, I'm not crying out for attention here. But you both claimed you're always (and I say this with dripping sarcasm) there for your friends. Pff, ha. Where are you now? I sure as shit haven't seen you.

I'm alone. I'm not. I keep going back and forth on whether or not I am valued as a friend by the both of you. Today, my not loving life day, I don't think I am.

I think, my apologies if I'm wrong, we're doing things together this holiday season because of habit. However, I've already kicked one major habit. What's not to say I should toss these one's out as well.

This confession/realization has made me feel ill. I'm back in the midst of all of this again.

Goodbye Holidays. Hello life...a shitty, until this is conquered, life.