Back to Life, Back to Reality

Do you remember that song by En Vogue, Back to Life, Back to Reality? Ahh, that hit me last night. My family has departed from the city, the ones who are here are back at work. I am at the office along with the regular amount of coworkers. My workload has increased as deadlines near. Back to reality.

Christmas and NYE were both relaxing and fun. I didn’t spend much time away from my family, as my family home was my solace. A place where I did not have to worry or run into people I wasn’t up to facing.

I am down a friend. I will soon be up a new car. They probably should not be in the same paragraph, one is materialistic while the other scores as the top two in my most important list. However, they are considering what he said. He did call last night, to wish me a happy new year. Pfff. I know I was in the wrong as well, but right now I fail to care so much as I tried to reach out and apologize for it with no reciprocation. I believe Frankie said it best: “That’s Life”.

“Need a change, a positive change
Look it’s me writing on the wall”

I did alright through the holidays and was able to suppress much of it. My roommate is back sometime this week, could have been last night…not sure yet. It stresses me out as I know I am back to cleaning for two, nagging, and not wanting to go home again after work because he is there, he’s always there. In a perfect world I would make enough to buy him out and live on my own in this house. I really like this house.

I do not have a 2010 resolution. If I ever did believe in doing them it would be: I resolve to find happiness and freedom. I resolve to move on and put the past firmly in the past.

A new year. I think the rollover from one year to the next only serves to remind us of time passing. What now? What does tomorrow have that today will not bring?

Why does the end of the holidays bring me such a heavy hearted feeling? I am again feeling like I have been pushed down, or shrunken so I always look up to see what could’ve been. What happiness I could’ve had should I not have ever met FG.

Actually, I just realized the exact word for how I feel now - Condemned. As though I will never recover from this. It will just get worse.

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