Easy to Say

Whew, sigh of relief. The week of all day meetings and workshops is over. My presentations have been presented and now I can get back to regular work on Monday. Just a bit of stress is gone.

I can also get back to regular life and focusing on me instead of work again. Need to sell my car, talk to my cousin/roomie about responsibilities, make a list of my fears regarding FG, figure out how to stop making other people look like him.

Easy to say. I guess one of my top fears right now is that I will end up with a guy who looks like him. I can't stop worrying about this or making it happen. God, he wasn't even attractive. Just short, fat and mean. Dark hair and eyes. Squishy face. Short neck. Jeans, t-shirts and ball caps. Levi's. Feck me, I don't like Levi's. Faded front jeans. Dark hair and dark eyes.

(Warning - this paragraph is...adult) He had a freckle on his...ahh..."area". He used to tell me, and take may opportunities to remind me, that I would always be able to identify his you-know-what in a lineup. WHO wants to leave someone with that thought and why can I not forget it. I even remember the shape his lips took when saying that sentence because he uttered it so many times. He was a vile, mean, short, fat man. Ruthless in reminding me that I would never be able to forget him. This was just another tactic, he used to point it out after a fight...god knows why.

I'm not attracted to men with blond hair but dark hair reminds me of FG. WTF, that's messed up. How do I get around that one?

I will figure this out. I CAN and I WILL stop him from coming through in the features of others. I CAN and I WILL.

There is so much to get over, so much to do to move on successfully. I guess I am just a bit overwhelmed by it today, being so busy in the last week...I feel like I've pushed everything back by a few days and now I have to catch up. I seem to have forgotten my mantra of one day at a time.