Well. I am drawing a blank right now. I would like to pour my heart out but I think its drained. So I will go for fact statement:
Last night I could not drive, not because of impairment , but because I failed to care about my own safety.
The risks I am taking right now are careless and absurd. I will not list them. I need something to make me feel alive again, a shock of rejuvenation. I am a drone in this world. I mostly feel anger and intense pain.
My name doesn’t suit me anymore. “Heaven”, “small bird”. Somewhere I read it also means “fair phantom”, sounds about right in that sense but not if you say “fair spirit”.
This morning when it hurt to think of having to get out of bed, I recited countries full of people who are worse off.
Tonight I will do nothing…again. I know the feeling of loneliness will wash over and consume me. Tomorrow I will sleep the day away as much as I can and only wake to get my car detailed. I will go out Saturday and try for regularity, but go home early because I know I can’t fake it that long.
I am already tired. I want to be home.
Last night I could not drive, not because of impairment , but because I failed to care about my own safety.
The risks I am taking right now are careless and absurd. I will not list them. I need something to make me feel alive again, a shock of rejuvenation. I am a drone in this world. I mostly feel anger and intense pain.
My name doesn’t suit me anymore. “Heaven”, “small bird”. Somewhere I read it also means “fair phantom”, sounds about right in that sense but not if you say “fair spirit”.This morning when it hurt to think of having to get out of bed, I recited countries full of people who are worse off.
Tonight I will do nothing…again. I know the feeling of loneliness will wash over and consume me. Tomorrow I will sleep the day away as much as I can and only wake to get my car detailed. I will go out Saturday and try for regularity, but go home early because I know I can’t fake it that long.
I am already tired. I want to be home.
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